Empowering Ways to Get Your Kids to Listen
Sometimes you feel that your children are not listing to you. My child "don't listen to me" is the most common frustrating words that you hear often from parents. You tell your kids to get dressed, brush their teeth but neither they hear nor they pay any attention to the words which was asked to them. To handle the unresponsiveness of your kid we need to find the reason and approach Positive Parenting for resolving it.
How to Get Kids to (REALLY) Listen: 10 Steps for Success
Tips for Getting Kids To Listen - Some Recommended Tips for Getting Kids to Cooperate
Inability to obey or even acknowledge to their parents feel us powerless then how we can change the situation
How to REALLY Listen to Your Children
1. Say it with single word: Kids are smart enough and they know what they are supposed to do, we just need to remind them instead of yelling on them. Be precise as much as possible while communicating with your kids.
2. Empower your kids: Kids are not machines, they do whatever they like that's why often they do exactly opposite to what ask to them. Instead of being directive try to convey your words or communication in teaching moments. Like instead of saying "put your juice glass away "we can say simply "Juice spoils when it left out from the glass". By using this approach we say to the child that when you have all the information you will do the right action.
3. Give a choice to your kid: It is always good to offer the choices to your kid. Threats and punishment make your child more stubborn. When they have the right for choices or you make them part of the decision, they will start likely to do what is acceptable to you.
4. State your expectations: Let your children know your expectations and plans ahead of time. Like instead of saying you have watched enough tv and turn off the tv we can say after brushing your teeth you can watch a little more tv.
5. Name their feelings: Every child wants to be heard and understood. Telling a child to stop crying or yelling gives a message to the child that their feelings don't matter to us. Kids cry when can't communicate or deal with the emotions when they are upset. Hence change the way you talk to your kids, so they don't only understand but also listen to us.
6. Get on par with them: Eye contact is one of the important aspect which need to be taken care by the elders. When you look into the eyes of your kid it's not only verify that your kid sees and hear you but also strengthen the communication.
7. No to "Don't": Negative instructions or commands like "Don't" or "No" confuse the kids. It raises the two questions in the minds of children.
A) What does he/she not want me to do?
B) What does he/she want me to do instead?
In place of "Don't" tell your kid "what to do " like "Don't run in the rooms" try " Please run outside in the lawn or walk in the rooms only".
8. Say Yes to Yes: What is your normal reaction to the thousand requests you get it from your Kids? "No" I am right?
But when we say"NO" most of the times, kids stop listening to our request. Instead of "No" say yes to more often. Our "Yes" for their request and paying attention to their request can surprise and delighted to our children's. Instead of saying "No to pizza, we can say pizza is delicious but can we have it on Sunday" but whenever and wherever a hard" NO" require. It should be there which may increase the chance to tune back the kid.
9. Say Thank you: Appreciate your kids for good behavior. They live up to our expectation when we appreciate them or encourage them. Tell them that you trust them it helps us to build up the communication between child and parent and increase the chance that the task will get completed.
10. Make an observation: If any task left undone by kid then don't try to dig out the reason just make an observation. "What is your plan" is the best strategies to avoid the struggle. For ex: What is your plan for taking care of your belongings. It's assumptive on our side it assume that they will have any plan and its gives an opportunity to the child to come up with the plan if they didn't already have. Like "I am planning to taking care of all my belongings after lunch.
It should be a wake up calls for us when our kids starting not listing to their parents or elder. Like adults kids have a need to be seen and heard and when this isn't met, kids stop listing to us.
Some of recommendations that will help you In order to listen more effectively to our kids or children, we need to self work by remembering these key recommendations:
Clear away distractions:- It's very tough to know how your children really feel or what they want to tell us if we are engaged with the e-mails or or Facebook or searching for the best deal online while they are communicating with us. It's simple to turn off your devices or online stuff and put them away. It will always avail with text messages & e-mails, but your children willingness of talking with you will not be there always.
Be aware of nonverbal cues. Are you looking at child face-to-face? Does parent body appear open, relaxed, and always ready to listen, or are you standing at the stove with your arms crossed, hoping that it won't take too long so dinner doesn't burn? Are you in near proximity to each other & in a space conducive to conversation?
Be aware of your current mood, and be honest. If you have been tired enough, then don't be harsh with your child, tell your child that you had been tired. If you had a rough day, let them understand that you don't mean to sound snappy, but you're much upset about something different thing. You can model yourself how to safely express feelings. If you're having one of those days, remind yourself that in this moment, there's nothing you can do to change what happened earlier, but you can control your ability to be "present" here and now for your child.
Listen with the intent to LEARN. Let go of your needs to self-disclose, lecture, or overreact. Listen to what your child is telling you. Ask open-ended questions: "Do you know why he treated you that way?" Paraphrase to make sure you understand: "It sounds like you were angry about that..." Ask questions to clarify: "So I'm a little confused. Do you not want to go to prom anymore?" Using these types of questions can help you listen with the intent to understand what your child is really trying to tell you.
If we want to understand the situation or what is really going on in our kid's lives, we can make this understand more from a 10-minute, face-to-face conversation, device-freewhere we are actively putting questions with the intent to understand.
These approaches may sound like counterintuitive but it really works.